A Conflict of Interests
by Heleentje
Summary: The guys of Team 5D's enjoy an... artistic... movie. All in their own way, of course.


So just in time for the end of the year, I make my return... With crack. Yeah.

This was written for **Gin no Ryuu**, who asked for it and was even kind enough to beta, so all my gratitude goes out to her! It also features the somewhat triumphant return of Hiroshi, Bruno's cat, who first appeared in **Cat's Call**.

With that said, enjoy, and rest assured that several people have already hit me for the alternate title!

**WARNING:** This fic involves teenaged guys watching a porn movie. Despite the summary, the movie has no artistic merit whatsoever. If you are offended by that, now's the time to turn back.

* * *

**A Conflict of Interests (a.k.a. The Motorcycle Mammaries)**

There were several advantages to sharing a house with three other guys. No one bothered to send you to bed if you were still up at three, for one, and Crow was planning on making good use of that. After all, Ushio had been kind enough to share his DVD collection with him, and it would be a shame if he never found out just what had prompted the girl on the cover to take off most of her clothes.

Of course, the disadvantage of no one sending you to bed was that no one was sending the others to bed either. When Crow entered the living room, he was immediately confronted with Yusei and Bruno, for once not working on a computer program or D-Wheel, but still discussing something Crow didn't even try to understand. Yusei was sitting on the sofa with his legs drawn up, moving his hands in intricate circles as he talked. Bruno, sitting on the floor, was writing so furiously that his hand was leaving ink smudges all over the page. Hiroshi was sleeping next to him, curled up tight in a ball.

"That's no good, though," he said when Yusei stopped talking. He absently petted the cat next to him. "You'd have to increase the circumference if you want an overall four to one ratio, and we have no room for that."

"Not if you cut down on the circumference of the third gear."

"And keep the first one the same size?" Bruno frowned and scribbled down a few numbers. "No, I'm sorry, it'll be too small to support the output axis. But maybe a gear train..."

"Make it planetary and fix the sun," Yusei said, and Crow decided he'd heard enough. Those two were in dire need of something that didn't involve gears and suns or whatever their latest project was about. Fortunately he had just the thing to distract them.

"Right, you two, you've talked enough." He stepped into the room and grinned at their surprised expressions, waving the DVD at them. Bruno let out an affronted 'Hey!' when Crow took his notebook from him and tried to snatch it back, but Crow dodged him and crouched down by the DVD player.

"Crow, what are you doing?" Yusei asked, swinging his legs from the sofa and sitting up properly. "We don't have time for movies. We need to work on this engine."

"Not at three in the morning, you don't. Now just watch. I swear you'll like it!"

He pressed 'play' and sat down next to Yusei as the TV screen sprang to life. There was stumbling on the stairs and a minute later Jack entered.

"Could you tone it down? What kind of hour is this anyway?"

"Oh, Jack!" Crow grinned and tossed him the DVD cover. Jack's eyes widened. "Come watch with us!"

"Where'd you get that one?" Jack asked. He walked around the sofa and pushed Bruno out of the way, causing him to lose his balance and almost fall on Hiroshi. The cat immediately woke up and fled the room, and Bruno shot a baleful look at Jack, who looked vaguely guilty. "I thought that one was off the market?"

"Ushio got it." On some raid somewhere in the lower parts of town, he'd told Crow, along with the explicit instructions not to tell anyone in case Mikage-san found out. Crow sniggered and focused on the screen, which was now showing the story of Yamada Jirou and his amazingly fast D-Wheel. It had to be said, the guy was going pretty fast.

"That's not fast. I've seen snails go faster," Bruno said.

"What would you know?" Jack told him, and for a moment Crow felt irrationally afraid of the steely glint in Bruno's gray eyes. He dismissed it and looked at the movie in time to see the girl on the DVD case show up.

"Oh, look at her!" He nudged Yusei. "What d'you think, huh?"

Yusei was frowning at the screen. Crow saw no reason to, especially when the girl suddenly looked so eager to lose her clothes. Yamada Jirou didn't seem to mind either, judging by his willingness to give her a ride on his 'D-Wheel'.

"That girl's D-Wheel is going to fall over," Yusei said. "The center of mass is much too high."

Bruno nodded vigorously. "It's no good, it won't hold. But if you were to bring it lower-"

"Only if you redistribute the mass." Yusei leaned over to talk to Bruno, obscuring Crow's view of the screen. With Jack's help, Crow managed to pull him back.

"Watch the movie," he told Yusei sternly. It worked for all of two minutes, during which the girl became so impressed with Yamada Jirou's driving skills that she forgot to wear clothes altogether.

"But really, they put all the weight in the front. That can't ever work," Bruno said. "What if she has to stop suddenly?"

"The forwards momentum will throw her off," Yusei stated.

"Exactly. So if we take momentum as mass multiplied by velocity, and if we have a mass of fifty kilograms multiplied by a hypothetical speed of one hundred kilometers per hour, which is almost twenty-eight meters per second, and applying Newton's First Law even though we need to account for gravity and air resist-"

"Will you shut up and watch?" Jack interrupted. Bruno stopped talking. Yusei didn't.

"And look at the aerodynamics. With such a design you'll waste far too much energy to overcome the air resistance."

Crow shared an incredulous look with Jack. They'd always known that Yusei had a lot of talents, ranging from the absolutely amazing to the completely useless. Ignoring naked girls fell squarely into the latter category.

"Do you guys even know what you're supposed to be watching?" For good measure, Crow pointed at the girl, who was now quite vocally agreeing with Yamada Jirou.

"Yes, and it makes no sense." Yusei said bluntly. "You can't stay upright on a D-Wheel built like that, not with the way they're moving. See?" He pointed when the couple performed a particularly acrobatic stunt. "It's completely impossible. It can't possibly withstand such pressure."

"Oh look, are they using a four-stroke engine? Yusei, can't we use that? Or a two-stroke for acceleration?" Bruno jumped up excitedly when he spotted… Whatever he'd spotted. Crow had long given up on trying to figure it out. He sighed and tried to push Bruno out of the way with his foot.

"Why two-stroke? Momentum needs no ignition anyway."

"No, but see, if you take the general principle and convert it, you can save space!" Bruno said. Crow pushed him more insistently and he finally seemed to take the hint. He stopped blocking the screen, at least.

"So you'd incorporate the Momentum engine in such a system?" Yusei said, talking over the sound of the TV. Crow tried to hush him, to no avail. "Perhaps… But really, why two-stroke? Just for acceleration?"

"And weight reduction, obviously. Now if you -"

There were a great many mysteries in life, Crow mused as Jack, finally fed up, grabbed both Yusei and Bruno and threw them out of the room. How mechanics could be more interesting than hot girls was one of them. He wasn't in any particular hurry to figure out the answer, not when one of those hot girls could do _that_.

"Whoa, did you see that? You think she can really bend like that?"

"What, wishing you could find out?"

"As if you aren't, Jack. Just watch the movie already."

* * *

_Comments, questions and concrit much appreciated!_


End file.
